On 23-Apr-2010, I made the official announcement that KidBean.com is going out of business. I’ll address the reasons behind this decision in a later post. The purpose of this post is to clarify the changes I have made to our policies due to our closing.
- We no longer offer made-to-order or drop-ship items. The only items left in our online store are the ones I have in-stock here in our main warehouse.
- We no longer accept returns or exchanges. All items are sold on a final-sale basis. (NOTE: We will still accept returns/exchanges for items purchased before 23-Apr-2010. See our return policies for details.)
- We no longer offer Free Shipping. We still offer many UPS and USPS shipping methods and change only the actual published rates with no mark-ups. As always, if your actual shipping charges end up more than $1 cheaper than your estimate, we’ll refund you the difference.
- We no longer sell Gift Certificates. (NOTE: Customers with gift certificates with open balances will be contacted shortly and given a deadline by which the gift certificate must be used.)
- On 1-May-2010 I will discount by 15% off the retail price all the regularly-priced items still in-stock.
- On 1-Jun-2010 I will discount the above items still in-stock by an additional 15% (for a total of 30% off the retail price).
- All inventory still left on 1-Jul-2010 will be sold at auction, to a liquidator, or donated.
Please be advised that customer service response times are a bit slower than usual. Please allow several business days for a return phone call or email. I will certainly try to reply sooner than that but it may not be possible. Thank you for your patience, understanding, and support!
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In light of the recent recall of Infantino baby slings, New Native shares their company history regarding baby slings safety and offers important, easy-to-follow safety information for their baby slings. The company notes:
From the beginning of our business in 1992 we made our product to the highest standards. Our fabrics are 100% cotton. This allows airflow through the fabric. We have tested our slings for strength and flammability even though there are no requirements for manufacturers to do this. It is our goal to educate people about safe ways for using our slings [my emphasis]. We have not received any reports of death or injury related to our baby sling to date, nor have we had a recall.
We only sell the organic cotton varieties of New Native’s baby slings and we do include with each sling a free instructional DVD full of tips and safety information. If you obtain one of their slings second-hand or misplace your original DVD or need one for some other reason, you may purchase one for only $2 plus the cost of shipping (USPS First-Class Mail will be cheapest).
For the safest babywearing experience, care must be taken to choose the correct size and New Native has prepared several tools to help you choose the correct size. Start with the basic sizing information for New Native baby slings, which includes measurements and corresponding sizes. If you still need help, we also offer two PDF files with additional fit, use and care information.
Please contact us if you’re still unsure and we’ll be happy to help!
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From the very beginning of KidBean.com in 1999, I have always intensively researched each and every product we sell. Over the years I have refined my review process and made it more efficient. Additionally, the explosive growth in the “green” products industry has made my research easier, as more manufacturers are now aware of and forthcoming with information about product ingredients, certifications, recyclability, and end-of-life disposal. Still it takes many hours to review a single product.
While it is certainly time-consuming, I wouldn’t short-cut this process because it ensures each and every product we offer meets our standards for fair labor, sustainability, safety, and quality. Because we have insisted always on completing a comprehensive and full review before carrying a product, we can say with pride that we have never had to remove a product from our store in response to customer concerns/complaints about safety, quality, etc. OR because we later found out it wasn’t what it was marketed to be (i.e. greenwashing) OR because it was recalled. Products only get removed if they are discontinued, sold out, or don’t sell well; or if a greener version becomes available. Some products never make it into our store at all.
Some of our best-selling products are our organic toddler pillows. Concerned parents seeking safer, greener alternatives to conventional pillows that are often made from synthetic materials (such as polyester and polyurethane foam) and treated with flame retardants (like PBDE’s) can appreciate that ours are:
Even though these pillows are some of our best-sellers, and I’m otherwise pleased with all of the toddler pillows we sell, I’m still always on the lookout for something even better. In this case, that means something cheaper. I know my own family’s finances have been strained in this economy over the last couple of years and I regularly hear from my customers that they need to cut costs and work with a smaller budget, too.
In my research I recently found a company that seemed promising. My initial review was a breeze, as their website answered all my preliminary questions. It was a small company that manufactured their products exclusively in the USA from all-natural and certified organic materials. Their pillows were 100% chemical-free and all of their components (organic cotton, buckwheat, and kapok) were sourced in the USA as well. And, their prices were significantly cheaper than the toddler pillows I currently sell. It was all going so well that I was suspicious… I wondered whether the quality could possibly be high enough with prices that low. With children’s products, an inconsistency in quality can often mean an inconsistency in safety.
I spoke with one of the owners to set up a wholesale account and order some samples to review. I was frank with my concerns about the quality of their products and she reassured me that their pillows were some of their best-sellers and that they had been making them for many years. A few days later when I opened the box and inspected the sample pillows, however, my concerns were validated.
First, one of the pillows had a gap over 1 inch wide where the seam had not been finished. I could see right through this hole to the organic cotton filling inside. Second, the seam on the sample pillowcase was poorly sewn. It was finished completely, but I wondered whether it would hold up well to repeat cycles through a washer and dryer–and it certainly didn’t look very pretty. I compared this pillowcase to one of the Cotton Monkey ones that I currently sell and the difference was stark–the Cotton Monkey one was clean, professional and aesthetically-pleasing while the sample had none of those qualities. Third, the tags did not specify that the materials (pillow casings and fills) were organic. I know the federal label laws are quite specific about the format of these labels and about which terms may be used in certain areas of the labels, but if the materials are organic then the label needs to state this (in a legally appropriate position, of course) OR a second label needs to be used. Otherwise how is the consumer to trust that the materials are, in fact, organic? Sure, the manufacturer could show you copies of their organic certifications, but the labels still need to be accurate.
In light of my initial openness with the owner about my quality concerns, the fact that I received samples that were anything less than extraordinary was unacceptable. I certainly couldn’t trust the quality of anything they might send directly to my customers, and I anticipated ongoing quality issues that would waste both time and money. I failed the toddler pillows and pillowcases and sent them all back to the manufacturer. I am admittedly disappointed, as I had hoped to be able to offer my customers a more economical option for their toddler’s first pillow. The pillows and pillowcase were labor-friendly, earth-friendly, and vegan; but they still failed our standards for quality & safety so they have been added to our “Why Don’t We Carry…?” directory of products/companies that have failed our review process.
I hope when you are comparison shopping online for your toddler’s first pillow that you look beyond the sticker price. The old adage “you get what you pay for” certainly applies here, especially if you consider the true cost of the pillow. If you are shopping for an organic toddler pillow and need help deciding which fill material you should choose, or if you have questions about caring for your child’s pillow, please check out our Organic Toddler Pillow Buyer’s Guide.
I love working with so many eco-friendly companies, especially in the month of April. In this month, as we celebrate Earth Day, many of my suppliers make fabulous offers that I’m able to pass on to my customers. For starters, Obasan is offering FREE shredded latex rubber pillows with organic mattresses purchased this month. If you’ve been waiting to buy an organic, vegan mattress until a good deal came along, then here’s your chance! You could save up to $224 with this offer! Click here for full details.
I’ll be posting about more special offers, sales, and discounts throughout the month, so be sure to subscribe to our RSS feed (above right) or check back soon!
Infantino Infant Slings Recalled
Today the CPSC announced a mandatory baby sling recall of Infantino infant slings–1 million of the infant slings in the United States and 15,000 in Canada. Due to the risk of infants suffocating in these baby slings, consumers are urged to stop using the slings immediately. Infantino is offering replacements–but with other products, not with baby slings. CPSC is still interested in hearing reports of injuries or other safety issues related to these products, whether for this same issue or a different hazard. You may submit your own report here or call the CPSC’s Hotline at (800) 638-2772.
CPSC Recently Issued an Infant Sling Safety Warning
This recall follows shortly after the 12-Mar-2010 CPSC warning about infant sling safety, in which the CPSC cautioned about two different suffocation risks for infants in baby slings. The CPSC warning notes that:
“Many of the babies who died in slings were either a low birth weight twin, were born prematurely, or had breathing issues such as a cold. Therefore, CPSC urges parents of preemies, twins, babies in fragile health and those with low weight to use extra care and consult their pediatricians about using slings.”
History of Baby Sling Recalls
The current CPSC recall is for a specific type of carrier from a single manufacturer. According to the CPSC website, there have been 5 recalls for infant slings since 2005–4 voluntary and 1 mandatory. This is the second recall for Infantino’s infant slings–the first was a voluntary recall in 2007 for a fall hazard due to the plastic slider on the strap breaking and causing the strap supporting the carrier to release and allow the baby to fall out of the carrier. Only in the two Infantino recalls have injuries been reported. I find it noteworthy that the recalled Infantino infant slings were made in China.
Are Baby Slings Safe?
This official warning and mandatory recall may have you wondering whether it is safe to use a baby sling with your baby. Let me assure you that, YES, it is safe if done properly and with a properly designed carrier. By “done properly” I mean by following the safety tips and guidelines at trusted resources like Mothering Magazine and Babywearing International. By “properly designed carrier” I mean one that is, at a minimum:
- made of breathable, natural (ideally organic) fabric
- allows you to see your baby’s face
We sell baby slings from New Native, Inc. and California Diversified Marketing (CDM)/Over the Shoulder Baby Holder. All of the baby slings that we sell:
- have never been subject to a recall
- are made in the USA
- are made from 100% pure, breathable organic cotton
- do not have buckles that may break
- do not have elasticized edges that can increase the risk of suffocation
My Personal Baby Sling Experience
I used a New Native Baby Carrier baby sling with my son, Jared, from birth until he was about 6 months old. From that time until he was 3 years old I used both the New Native Baby Carrier and an Over the Shoulder Baby Holder (OTSBH). He was 6 years old when I wore him in the OTSBH sling for the last time. He practically lived in his sling for the first 6 months, as it allowed me to keep him close enough to breastfeed on demand while still keeping up with my very active toddler daughter (she was 3 1/2 years old when was born). I had first learned about baby slings at a La Leche League meeting when my daughter was only a few months old. While I became very familiar with them at the time, learning various positions in a variety of carriers, my daughter never did like being in a sling. I just carried her in my arms everywhere.
My son, Jared, in his Over the Shoulder Baby Holder baby sling.
Conclusion – Benefits of Infant Slings Outweigh the Risks
With the numerous benefits of babywearing, for both mamas and babies, so well-documented, I still wholeheartedly recommend using baby slings. When used properly, baby slings can be a safe and essential parenting tool that promotes bonding, reduces colic, facilitates breastfeeding, and makes it easier for mamas to go about their day while still meeting their baby’s needs.
I will be happy to address any concerns/questions you may have, about safety or babywearing in general. Just post a comment below or contact me.
Imse Vimse has changed the sizing for their organic cotton training pants. The ages and weights are the same, but the names of the sizes have changed. Here’s a summary of what’s changed:
- size Small (S) is now size Extra-Large (XL)
- size Medium (M) is now size Super-Large (SL)
- size Large (L) is now size Junior (J)
- size Junior (J) is now size Junior Plus (J+)
The only tricky aspect of this is that Imse Vimse is still using the name Junior for one of the sizes but it now has a different meaning. The tags on the training pants only give the ages and weights, so this name change only matters if you’re shopping for new training pants. In that case, you’ll want to make sure you check out the new Imse Vimse training pants size chart. If your child was wearing a size Junior and you need to get more training pants in the same size, you’ll need the new size Junior Plus. If your child was wearing the old size Medium and you need the next size up, you’ll now need to buy the size Junior.
Everything else about the training pants remains the same. They’re still made from soft, pure organic cotton. They’re still made with fair labor in Sweden. They still contain a thin layer of PUL to make them waterproof to protect your toddler’s clothes. They’re still available in plain white and in assorted fun & stylish prints. They are still unpackaged to minimize waste. And, they’re still more economical and eco-friendly than their disposable counterparts!
When the 7.3 magnitude struck Haiti on January 12th, the already-impoverished and struggling nation was reduced to chaos. The initial news stories painted a bleak picture of tens of thousands dead and hundreds of thousands homeless, with total devastation of essential infrastructures such as hospitals, roads, airports, schools, and relief offices.
Within days the IFRC had posted on Flickr a collection of photos that showed the damage. The images ranged from wide aerial shots–of neighborhoods that look almost like they could be the aftermath of crude structures flattened and destroyed by a toddler "playing" earthquake in his sandbox–to tear-jerking close-ups of children whose dirty, bandaged faces show banal expressions from knowing too keenly in their young lives the pangs of hunger and poverty.
As I clicked through these images and read the scant reports that came out in those first few days, I imagined what it would be like to be there amidst the devastation. I imagined what it would be like to a child in that environment. I was determined to help in any way I could. I knew that the people of Haiti were surrounded by dilapidated buildings, raw sewage, broken glass, and other debris. They needed food, medical care, shelter, and clean water. I didn’t have any of those things to offer, and, like many of you, I’m not in a financial position to give any meaningful amount of money. But I did have children’s shoes—shoes that could protect the feet of the Haitian children to keep them safe and clean.
On January 19th, I contacted my local Red Cross chapter and asked whether they were accepting in-kind donations and was told they were not because they had no infrastructure in Haiti to receive them—their own offices had been destroyed. Disappointed but not discouraged, I posted my findings on Twitter and quickly received a link to a shoe store in Canada that was accepting donations of shoes to send to Haiti. From their website I was able to jump to Soles4Souls and then everything just fell into place.
On the Soles4Souls website I read about their commitment to donate 1 million pairs of shoes, along with other relief supplies, to victims of the recent earthquake in Haiti. To meet this goal, Soles4Souls partnered with shoe stores and other businesses who accepted donations on their behalf. After my experience with the Red Cross, I first needed to confirm with the Soles4Souls procurement department that they could in fact get the shoes into Haiti. Once they assured me they could, I got to work.
KidBean.com is primarily an online retailer, but for a time I did also wholesale a few products, including a line of organic hemp children’s sneakers that I co-designed. I also had organic hemp sandals, rainbow sandals, and loafer-style organic hemp shoes for kids. In all, I had nearly 850 pairs of children’s shoes in my warehouse and I sent every one of them to Soles4Souls on January 22nd for them to forward to the children of Haiti.
It took several hours to ready the shipment and my six-year-old son, Jared, was indispensable that Friday afternoon as the two of us raced around the warehouse emptying bins of shoes, sorting and counting the contents, and then packing them neatly in boxes. We weren’t ready when our UPS driver came by for our daily afternoon pickup but he happily agreed to come back later that evening to pick up the shipment.
(In case you’re wondering about my dark attire, you should know that I always wear black on Fridays. Whenever possible I attend a weekly vigil with the Women in Black in downtown Asheville. Even when I can’t attend, I still wear black as a symbol of my protest of violence everywhere.)
I’m glad that I was in a position to offer assistance to the victims of the earthquake, and I’m encouraged by news like today’s Miami Herald report that, as of February 1st, $35 million had been donated via text messages alone to various Haitian relief efforts. The local response here in Asheville has been amazing, including creative fund-raising events by businesses such as The Water Lily and Wildflower Studio salons donating money from haircuts, Rosetta’s Kitchen sending to Haiti all donations from their Sunday cauldron soup night, and the upcoming Help Haiti Heal benefit concert.
While the global response has been incredible—especially considering the economic downturn that still affects so much of the world—there is still a long way to go. The Washington Post reported today that only about half of the 2 million Haitians who need food aid have actually received it so far—three weeks after the earthquake. About 70,000 people have received temporary shelter materials, but tens hundreds of thousands more are in need of such basic necessities.
Please, if you have not already done so, I urge you to give in any way that you can. Numerous charities are accepting donations for Haiti relief and USA Today columnist Sandra Block offers valuable tips on what to consider before choosing a charity. Whether you donate by text, with a credit card online, or give a pair of shoes at your participating local shoe store, your donation WILL make a difference in the lives of the victims of this earthquake.
Let’s not stop with providing emergency assistance to the people of Haiti in their time of crisis. As relief workers are able to bring aid to the victims and the country begins to heal and rebuild, let us also remember to address the long-term social and economic injustices that contribute to the poverty in Haiti.
John Swann, Owner and President
Chuck Pruett, CEO
Greenlife Grocery
70 Merriman Ave
Asheville, NC 28801
21-Jan-2010
Mr. Swann and Mr. Pruett:
I have been a regular shopper in your Asheville store for over 4 years. I probably shouldn’t admit this, but I often spend more in your store each month to feed my family of 4 human vegans and 5 pets than I do on my mortgage. Your store exemplifies some of the qualities I love most about Asheville: a passionate commitment to buying local, a brazen embrace of the freedom of personal expression, and a fierce devotion to protecting our environment.
With this in mind, I am writing to express my deep disappointment in your decision to use NatureWorks PLA containers in your Prepared Foods department. In my research I have confirmed that these containers are made from raw materials that include genetically-engineered corn. According to the Food Philosophy on your website:
Greenlife Grocery is committed to providing the freshest and healthiest food possible. We offer natural and Organic Food and Health & Body Care products that are free of:
- Genetically Modified Organisms (GMOs)* [my emphasis]
- Irradiation
- Hydrogenated Oil
- Bleached Flour
- Artificial Preservatives, Sweeteners, Flavors, or Colors
- High Fructose Corn Syrup
- Animal By-Products of Rendered Animal Fats
- Antibiotics, Growth Stimulants or Synthetic Drugs
- Petroleum Based Ingredients or Mineral Oil
- Testing on and/or Cloning of Animals
*Despite every effort, it may not be possible to avoid GMOs due to cross-contamination
While these containers are not "food" nor "health & body care products", they do come in contact with food. Even if they did not come into contact with food, their use is still promoting genetic engineering and all its negative ramifications, as well as the clearly unjust and unsustainable business practices of Cargill, the company who makes these containers.
Cargill supports child slave labor on its cocoa plantations, is a huge proponent of GMO’s, and is a serious player in the destruction of rainforests for palm oil production. For more information, please see the following resources:
Numerous companies now manufacture compostable food service containers, and some are even certified by BPI (Biodegradable Products Institute). A few brands are GMO-free (such as GenPak and EatWare), but most (if not all) are made in China. There are serious environmental, labor, and health concerns over products made from palm fiber and from bagasse (health concerns are for the workers in the factories). I am aware of only one company, Earth Shell, manufacturing in the USA, but I have not been able to confirm whether their products contain any GMO’s. Another company, Be Green, has earned Cradle-to-Cradle certification for their line of food service packaging, but they also are currently made in China.
I wish I could recommend an ideal alternative brand for you, but I have not yet found one. However, I am dismayed that you have chosen what appears to be the worst available option. A more sustainable option would be to at least choose products NOT made by Cargill, and instead by a smaller manufacturer with a clearer, stronger commitment to the environment and to fair labor & business practices. Products certified by BPI, Green Seal, and/or Cradle-to-Cradle would be preferable (note, however, that such certifications do not expressly prohibit the use of GMO’s). Even if these products are made in China, or elsewhere overseas, they would still be preferable than Cargill’s GE-containing PLA containers.
I encourage you to check out these resources for more information:
I urge you to seriously and promptly re-evaluate your purchasing decisions regarding your food service products and to take immediate action to choose a more ethical and sustainable option. Thank you for all the good work you do in our community supporting and promoting organic products and the local economy!
Melissa Zenz
Asheville Resident
Owner, KidBean.com
I typically get at least a few new product submissions a week, from companies wanting me to review and sell their products. Much less often, my customers will actually request that I carry a particular product. In the last few months, however, I’ve had more customers ask me about PLA-based baby rattles/teethers than I have had ask about any other product. I’ve given them all the same answer and every one of them has been shocked at what they learned. For the sake of efficiency (and you know how much I love efficiency), I’ve decided I need to just write this down for future reference.
When I first heard about these rattles months ago, I began to review them using the review process I have refined over the years. First, I contacted a company locally that distributes them so I could get as much preliminary information as possible. Typically I can tell within about 5 minutes whether a product will be a good fit for KidBean, and this was no exception. My first question for the customer service rep was whether the product contained any GE material. After waiting several minutes on hold, I was told the rattles and teethers were "not 100% GE-free". Hm. That was the most clear answer I could get out of the company, so I moved on to other research channels.
Wondering why my first question was about GE material? Here’s why: corn-starch based rattles, like the Green Sprouts i-play product line, are made from PLA, which stands for polylactic acid. PLA is a biodegradable, compostable plastic derived from plants, such as corn. It’s BPA-free, PVC-free, and phthalate-free. Sounds green, right? Well…
What if I told you that the corn used in that PLA is most often genetically-engineered? And that NatureWorks, the company that makes the PLA, is owned by Cargill, the #2 largest private company in the United States? Here’s some information about Cargill from Green America’s Responsible Shopper:
• Cargill is the nation’s leading grain producer and is among the world’s leading traders of cocoa and cotton.
• It is also a major supplier of eggs, oils, sauces and beef for fast-food giant, McDonald’s.
• Cargill is being sued for knowingly sourcing from cocoa plantations that use child slave labor.
• Cargill poses a threat to farmers by pushing its genetically modified products onto the market, aggressively seeking patents for its seeds, and suing farmers that unknowingly cultivate Cargill-patented products on their farms.
The Rainforest Action Network also has some damning information about Cargill regarding their soy and palm operations.
In my book, child slavery (or any slavery, for that matter) can never be "green". I’m an extremist about slavery—it’s always wrong. I’m also definitively against genetic engineering, until GE products have been properly and sufficiently tested and proven to be safe and sustainable (in my opinion, very few products at all have ever been "properly and sufficiently tested").
These rattles are marketed as "eco-friendly" and retailers flaunt that they are BPA-free, phthalate-free and PVC-free. The last three qualities are great; but wooden rattles have these qualities, too, without child slave labor, unfair business practices, and unknown potential health & environmental effects. Eliminating BPA, PVC and phthalates but still using questionable components, like GE corn, simply isn’t safe for babies or the planet. For a similar example, just look at the recent news about manufacturers of children’s jewelry replacing lead with the even more harmful cadmium. NatureWorks PLA products are a perfect example of greenwashing. Truly sustainable products are made by truly sustainable companies with a clear, commitment to the environment, safety, and fair labor.
If my children were still babies I would certainly NOT let them near a Green Sprouts PLA rattle, or any other toy made from GE-corn.
Note that in addition to baby rattles, NatureWorks also makes a line of food containers that are used in many health food stores and eco-conscious restaurants, presumably because they just don’t know the full truth about these products. If your local health food store or restaurant uses these, please, tell them why they shouldn’t.
Do you really want your locally-grown, organic, healthy take-out dinner packed in a container made from GE corn produced by a company that enslaves children (heck, would you want a junk food dinner packed in that)? Would you still want to put your compost on your vegetable garden after the PLA containers made from GE corn had biodegraded in it? I know I wouldn’t.
So, to summarize my product research: child slave labor, genetically-engineered materials, and unfair labor and business practices. Definitely nowhere near our standards.
For my entire adult life I walked a different path. My lifestyle and parenting choices are consistently and unarguably different from the majority. I’m vegan and so are my two children. I do not vaccinate my kids. I gave birth to my son at home, a beautiful VBAC waterbirth. I homeschooled for 9 years. I co-sleep with my children. I don’t drink alcohol. I don’t drink coffee. I don’t wear makeup. I breastfed my kids for 4 ½ and 3 years, respectfully, including tandem for 6 months. I wore my son in a sling for years. I used cloth diapers. I compost, reuse and recycle devoutly. I choose fair-labor and eco-friendly products and insist others do the same when shopping for us. I shun artificial chemicals and fabrics. I am an activist for peace, women’s rights, children’s rights, the environment, and animal rights. I am exceedingly honest. And I apply the same ethics to my business.
The people in my life—family, friends, doctors, and even total strangers—have voiced their criticisms and judgments loudly. Though I am unsure of the original source of my strength, I do know that I was largely able to take their words in stride. I simply shrugged off the comments that I was messing up my children by not celebrating Christmas, that they would get seriously ill and die without vaccines or antibiotics or meat or…, that they would never learn at home, that they would suffocate in a family bed, that they needed plastic and electronic toys and sugar and Disney movies, and that my business would fail if I didn’t loosen up a bit on my standards and commitments to eco-friendly and labor-friendly products and companies. In fact, I didn’t just shrug off these detractors; I often factually and calmly struck right back with the reasons for my decisions, often quoting research and figures. Gradually the passage of time became both my evidence and support.
Then I said goodbye to my full, busy life and all my friends in South Florida and moved to NC in the Spring of 2006. My husband stayed behind to work until our house was sold, which took 11 months. So I balanced settling into a new place alone with two small children (then 3 and 6 ½), a home-based business that needed to fully support us for the first time, and a commitment to my not-so-easy lifestyle choices. To ease my family’s transition, I spent my days with my kids both at home and exploring our new city, and my nights working. Sleep was not part of the equation. By the time my husband moved here in early 2006, my stressful life had taken its toll and I spent time in two different hospitals. Since he didn’t have a job, he stepped in as primary caretaker and I worked ceaselessly at KidBean.
We coasted along until the Fall of 2007, when it all really began to fall apart. First, my aunt died very unexpectedly in November at the age of 45. Her death was incredibly devastating for me. The following June my grandmother died after many years of being very ill and I felt a great sense of loss and of being lost. These two women were so influential in my life it was like losing 2/3 of my mother, which my husband noted as I sobbed uncontrollably at my grandmother’s funeral. The following month I lost my cat Julia, whose last few days of her 18 ½ year life were deeply challenging. A few months later her twin brother Jordan died in the middle of the night, on the one-year anniversary of my aunt’s death, while my husband and I petted him and cried.
There were so many trials in 2008, including one that I still can’t even talk about, that we started keeping an A-Z list and had actually filled in every letter before the year was over. At the end of 2008 I looked back on it all and felt somewhat proud that I had made it through. I was able to look forward to 2009 with a bit of hope and optimism that it would be, certainly must be, a better year.
Then the year began. On January 6th I was in a car accident, which led to almost 5 months of physical therapy and rehab. A week and a half after my accident I got the most devastating and crushing news of my life, news so powerful it actually altered the way my brain works and continues to haunt me every day. I began to face the ominous consequences of the CPSIA and the uncertainty of the future of my business, and hence, of my family’s financial security. Then my husband lost his job, and our health insurance. My formerly homeschooled children had to go to public school for the last 8 weeks of the school year. We struggled, cut costs everywhere we could, and I sold some of my most cherished possessions, as it took almost six months for my husband to find another job.
In the last few years I have felt my inner life energy and strength consistently depleted. These last two years especially have been filled with a great deal of loss and my reserves are empty. I have only a ghost of the passion I once had. In these last few years, I’ve made some decisions that are undoubtedly not in line with my ethics, and of which I am certainly not proud. For a few months I ate eggs (organic and local, of course), at the urging of both my physician and my nutritionist. I’ve allowed family and friends to gift to my children plastic toys that were made in China. I drank an entire bottle of wine in one night. I’ve treated the people I love most in ways that fill me with shame. And my typically peaceful demeanor has at times been replaced with intense rage and destructiveness.
So, my resolution for 2010 is to be selfish. To make time for myself and my own pursuits so I can refill my inner reserves. I resolve to spend time doing the things that I love to do—to run, hike, swim, practice yoga, read, write, travel, watch foreign films, go to the theater, listen to music, play the piano, build, garden, create, make nourishing food, and spend truly present time with the people that I love.
Most importantly, I resolve to re-build my tribe. One of the reasons I wanted to move to Asheville was for its community of like-minded people and yet I have never felt so alone since we moved here. I know I need to be around real people in the flesh, rather than online, so I intend to make more time to attend local events. I first met my husband online almost 15 years ago, so I’m not new to online relationships. I do appreciate what they offer but I also recognize that in-person relationships are so much more fulfilling for me.
This part of my resolution may mean working less but I recognize the value of this trade-off. I have striven always to make a difference in the world, to be the change I want to see, to live with a light footprint. In order to keep my commitment to these goals, and to be a healthy model for my children, I need to make sure my own cup is full.
There you have it. My proud and open declaration that my 2010 resolution is a purely selfish one. What are your resolutions? I’d love to hear them! If you’re in the Asheville area, maybe we’ll see each other some time soon.
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